World's oldest joke

[Gordon Neill]

Interesting (well, vaguelly interesting) story on the BBC website about the search for the oldest joke in the world. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7536918.stm

Here's the top four in reverse order:

(4) The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century:

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key."

(3) And then there's the Roman rib-tickler from 100 BC (which is actually quite good).

The Emperor Augustus was touring his realm and came across a man who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asks the man: "Was your mother at one time in service at the palace?" The man replies: "No your highness, but my father was."

(2) An Egyptian thigh-slapper from 1600 BC :

"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? Sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile - and urge the pharaoh to go fishing."

(1) Apparently, the oldest datest back to a Sumerian proverb from 1900 BC. For some reason, you don't see many Sumerian stand-up comedians nowadays.

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap," goes the joke.

[Des]

'I say I say, my sabre-toothed tiger has no nose'

'ugg ugg?'

'Why, terrible'

[NormanD]

I have used that joke on at least two occasions, Des. Once was in an argument on the tube, with a Sloanie who was sitting on one of the designated seats for people with disability. She asserted that she knew all about disabled people's needs because she had a friend with no arms or legs. "That's nothing", I said "My dog's got no nose.....".

And when we went to see Rory Block, much of her between songs chat was new agey/rambly. She told a proverb about someone with no shoes being better off than someone with no feet. "That's nothing", I said loudly "My dog's etc etc...."

Could someone please tell me another joke I can use? The Sumerian fart gag made me laugh, but I'm not sure why, and may not be much use in an argument.

[Dominic]

My dog's got no bum...


Then there's this:
http://www.timlush.co.uk/Absurd/DogHasNoNose.htm

[Con Murphy]

My dog's got no bum...


Then there's this:
http://www.timlush.co.uk/Absurd/DogHasNoNose.htm

They missed some:-

"My dog's got no dictionary."
"How does he spell awful?"

"My dog's got no willy."
"How does he have sex?"
"It's a bitch."

"My dog went on a luxury Caribbean cruise with a crap comedian."
"Jimmy Carr?"

[Gordon Neill]

I thought Dominic's

http://www.timlush.co.uk/Absurd/DogHasNoNose.htm

was rather excellent. It inspired me to come up with:

My Bob Dylan's got no direction home
How does he smell?
I don't know, I haven't seen him for ages.

[howard male]

Here's a joke I made up while under the influence of several bottles a very strong lager that Gordon Neil made me drink when we stayed with him recently in Edinburgh. I was most upset when the forum's resident comedy genius didn't laugh.

'How many drummers does it take to play a drum solo?'

'Only one, unfortunately.'

[Gordon Neill]

[Gordon Neill]

Howard happened to casually mention:

Gordon Neil

Namedropper! See SOTW Rule 436(i)(a).

[howard male]

that bloke from Edinburgh wrote -

Howard happened to casually mention:

Namedropper, yourself!!

[howard male]

PS

And I was going to do the tumbleweeed joke myself but then I thought I'd generously leave that for someone else to add.

[CantSleepClownsWillGetMe]

Thanks for clarifying that Howard. I had assumed it was a photo of Gordon's house.

J

[Dayna]

So what is the tumbleweed joke?

[Gordon Moore]

I don't get it :(

[ritchie]

So what is the tumbleweed joke?

I don't get it :(

well you would if you lived in Gordon of Fife's Street!

I was at a function at our local rugby club and went to get the drinks ... it was really busy and the barmaid was working hard.

I ordered the drinks. quite a big round and the barmaid asked me if I wanted a tray?

I had been waiting for this moment for ages and replied

"Do you not think that i have enough to carry?"

She went ballistic, called me names such as *$2J8hygfP&* well it sounded like that as i slunk away from the bar obviously having made a new friend!