Too much wildlife

[Des]

Sirs

I wish to complain about an outbreak of wildlife on the forum. Everywhere one looks one is confronted by disturbing images of millipedes and woodpeckers. If one digs deeper one finds subversive communist-inspired talk of dead trees, lakes and headless rabbits.

The British Empire was not founded upon a rag-tag army of anorak-clad liberal pinkos carrying copies of 'The Road to Wigan Pier' and the 'National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of the Western United States'. What these so-called birdwatchers need is a spell in National Service learning how to kill foreign people.

I blame a certain Mr Gillett for allowing such discussions to take place at the expense of national security and our British culture and way of life.

I remain,

Yours etc

Major General Des 'Bozo' Bowring