Q. How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five - one to change the bulb and four to sing about how good the old one was.
Boom Boom
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jokes preferably music related.
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jokes preferably music related.
by kevin » Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:45 pm
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by CantSleepClownsWillGetMe » Thu Aug 23, 2007 5:29 pm
Q. What's stiff and excites women?
A. Elvis Presley.
I know its old, because I heard it years ago. But sadly its one of those that lies dormant in your sub-conscious for years, waiting for that fateful moment when your mother-in-law asks if you know any good jokes. True, true ...
June
A. Elvis Presley.
I know its old, because I heard it years ago. But sadly its one of those that lies dormant in your sub-conscious for years, waiting for that fateful moment when your mother-in-law asks if you know any good jokes. True, true ...
June
- CantSleepClownsWillGetMe
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by Des » Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:35 pm
You're on a roll Kevin!
You've probably heard about the drummer who goes into a music shop because he wants to try a 'proper' instrument so after looking round the shop for a while he says to the shop assistant that he wants to buy the trombone and the accordian. The shop assistant says he can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator is fixed to the wall!
As John Lee Hooker said - Boom Boom!
You've probably heard about the drummer who goes into a music shop because he wants to try a 'proper' instrument so after looking round the shop for a while he says to the shop assistant that he wants to buy the trombone and the accordian. The shop assistant says he can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator is fixed to the wall!
As John Lee Hooker said - Boom Boom!
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by John Bainbridge » Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:03 am
Q. How many EFDSS members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. CHANGE????
A. CHANGE????
- John Bainbridge
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by Dayna » Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:36 am
A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"
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Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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- Location: Ohio,USA
by Jamie Renton » Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:55 am
As told to me by a folk musician:
What's the difference between a pizza & a folk musician?
A pizza can feed a family of 4
As told to me by a jazz musician:
A jazz musician finds a dusty old lamp, rubs it & in a puff of smoke, a genie appears.
"You are my master" he says "I will grant absolutely any wish that you make."
"I wish for world peace," says the jazzer. "For people of all races, colours & creeds to live together in harmony."
"Sorry," says the genie. "I said 'any wish' but actually that one's too much even for me. Think of something else."
"OK," says the jazzer. "I'd like a week's residency at Ronnie Scotts"
"Right" says the genie, "so what was the 1st one again?"
What's the difference between a pizza & a folk musician?
A pizza can feed a family of 4
As told to me by a jazz musician:
A jazz musician finds a dusty old lamp, rubs it & in a puff of smoke, a genie appears.
"You are my master" he says "I will grant absolutely any wish that you make."
"I wish for world peace," says the jazzer. "For people of all races, colours & creeds to live together in harmony."
"Sorry," says the genie. "I said 'any wish' but actually that one's too much even for me. Think of something else."
"OK," says the jazzer. "I'd like a week's residency at Ronnie Scotts"
"Right" says the genie, "so what was the 1st one again?"
- Jamie Renton
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by Dayna » Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:28 pm
How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.
- Dayna
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by Dayna » Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:02 pm
What do you call a musician who doesn't have a girl friend?
Homeless!
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How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.
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What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."
Homeless!
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How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."
- Dayna
- Posts: 5060
- Joined: Fri Jun 30, 2006 4:58 pm
- Location: Ohio,USA
Guitarists for a change!
by CantSleepClownsWillGetMe » Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:23 pm
Q: What's black and blue and lies in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unision?
A: Shoot One.
Q: Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A: No. Neither did I.
Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.
Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: When the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Q: How do you make a bassist's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.
2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.
That's me done.
June
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q: How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unision?
A: Shoot One.
Q: Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A: No. Neither did I.
Q: What do an electric guitarist and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
A: When you plug them in, they both suck.
Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: When the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
Q: How do you make a bassist's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.
2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.
That's me done.
June
- CantSleepClownsWillGetMe
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by Martin_Edney » Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:03 pm
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
With a drum machine, you only have to punch in the instructions once.
With a drum machine, you only have to punch in the instructions once.
- Martin_Edney
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by Elizabeth » Wed Sep 05, 2007 9:53 pm
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released: New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!" Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
"I don't understand it," he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant. "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released: New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!" Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
"I don't understand it," he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant. "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
- Elizabeth
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