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World's oldest joke

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:58 pm
by Gordon Neill
Interesting (well, vaguelly interesting) story on the BBC website about the search for the oldest joke in the world.

Here's the top four in reverse order:

(4) The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century:

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key."

(3) And then there's the Roman rib-tickler from 100 BC (which is actually quite good).

The Emperor Augustus was touring his realm and came across a man who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asks the man: "Was your mother at one time in service at the palace?" The man replies: "No your highness, but my father was."

(2) An Egyptian thigh-slapper from 1600 BC :

"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? Sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile - and urge the pharaoh to go fishing."

(1) Apparently, the oldest datest back to a Sumerian proverb from 1900 BC. For some reason, you don't see many Sumerian stand-up comedians nowadays.

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap," goes the joke.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 1:24 pm
by Des
'I say I say, my sabre-toothed tiger has no nose'

'ugg ugg?'

'Why, terrible'

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:24 pm
by NormanD
I have used that joke on at least two occasions, Des. Once was in an argument on the tube, with a Sloanie who was sitting on one of the designated seats for people with disability. She asserted that she knew all about disabled people's needs because she had a friend with no arms or legs. "That's nothing", I said "My dog's got no nose.....".

And when we went to see Rory Block, much of her between songs chat was new agey/rambly. She told a proverb about someone with no shoes being better off than someone with no feet. "That's nothing", I said loudly "My dog's etc etc...."

Could someone please tell me another joke I can use? The Sumerian fart gag made me laugh, but I'm not sure why, and may not be much use in an argument.

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:49 pm
by Dominic
My dog's got no bum...

Then there's this:

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 3:54 pm
by Con Murphy
Dominic wrote:My dog's got no bum...

Then there's this:

They missed some:-

"My dog's got no dictionary."
"How does he spell awful?"

"My dog's got no willy."
"How does he have sex?"
"It's a bitch."

"My dog went on a luxury Caribbean cruise with a crap comedian."
"Jimmy Carr?"

PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:07 pm
by Gordon Neill
I thought Dominic's
was rather excellent. It inspired me to come up with:

My Bob Dylan's got no direction home
How does he smell?
I don't know, I haven't seen him for ages.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 5:46 pm
by howard male
Here's a joke I made up while under the influence of several bottles a very strong lager that Gordon Neil made me drink when we stayed with him recently in Edinburgh. I was most upset when the forum's resident comedy genius didn't laugh.

'How many drummers does it take to play a drum solo?'

'Only one, unfortunately.'

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 5:59 pm
by Gordon Neill

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:11 pm
by Gordon Neill
Howard happened to casually mention:

Gordon Neil

Namedropper! See SOTW Rule 436(i)(a).

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:31 pm
by howard male
that bloke from Edinburgh wrote -

Howard happened to casually mention:

Namedropper, yourself!!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 6:34 pm
by howard male

And I was going to do the tumbleweeed joke myself but then I thought I'd generously leave that for someone else to add.

Well blow me!

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 8:56 pm
by CantSleepClownsWillGetMe
Thanks for clarifying that Howard. I had assumed it was a photo of Gordon's house.


PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:18 pm
by Dayna
So what is the tumbleweed joke?

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:53 pm
by Gordon Moore
I don't get it :(

Do all women have a sense of humour?

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:13 pm
by ritchie
So what is the tumbleweed joke?

I don't get it :(

well you would if you lived in Gordon of Fife's Street!

I was at a function at our local rugby club and went to get the drinks ... it was really busy and the barmaid was working hard.

I ordered the drinks. quite a big round and the barmaid asked me if I wanted a tray?

I had been waiting for this moment for ages and replied

"Do you not think that i have enough to carry?"

She went ballistic, called me names such as *$2J8hygfP&* well it sounded like that as i slunk away from the bar obviously having made a new friend!