The Worst Music In The World... Ever!

[uiwangmike]

...Middle of the Road and, sadly, I didn't have to look that up.

But they're worth looking up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_of_the_Road
The lead singer was Sally Carr, and they were big in the Faroe Islands.

[Adam Blake]

Hey Garth and Jamie,
You're missing the point. There are millions of crappy records. What I want are truly inept and incompetent records, made by people who really couldn't sing, play or write songs to save their lives but who did their best anyway. Oasis and The Stone Roses sheer arrogance and complacency immediately disqualifies them.

Likewise, "Sugar Sugar" and "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" both benefited from professional production jobs and competent session musicians (poor bastards!) so they're out too.

Now do please try again!
Thank you
Adam

[Dominic]

What I want are truly inept and incompetent records, made by people who really couldn't sing, play or write songs to save their lives but who did their best anyway.

The first Cornershop EP, In The Days Of Ford Cortina, may fit the bill. (Extra trainspotter points for mentioning their previous incarnation, General Havoc, and the Fast Jaspal EP? - even more enthusiasm! even less ability!!)

The Cramps covered three of the tracks mentioned so far - Love Me, Surfin Bird and The Crusher. She Said by Hasil Adkins is another classic. Lux apparently stuffed his mouth with a polystyrene cup to apporoximate Adkins vocal style on The Cramps' version!

[Jamie Renton]

Hey Garth and Jamie,
You're missing the point. There are millions of crappy records. What I want are truly inept and incompetent records, made by people who really couldn't sing, play or write songs to save their lives but who did their best anyway ... Now do please try again!
Thank you
Adam

No no, I got the point, that's why I suggested "The Crusher".

I just took the opportunity to share my pain at having to endure James Morisson & Will Young, that's all.

And just to prove I get the point, I give you ... Wild Man Fischer
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=CHqR1Rql5r8

[Rob Hall]

What I want are truly inept and incompetent records, made by people who really couldn't sing, play or write songs to save their lives but who did their best anyway.

What, you mean like the Portsmouth Sinfonia?

[Dayna]

I'll guess Meat Loaf.

[garth cartwright]

I'm such a non-musician that I've always thought Surfin' Bird and The Crusher and the Lurkers and such sounded pretty ace. Blimey! I'll have to have a real think on this one. I've listened to so much punk and garage and the musical limitations have never really concerned me so this is hard.

[Alannah]

Rob - you genius!!! I remember spending many a wasted evening in my youth in fits of giggles listening to Also sprach... and I could never remember the artist. Off to check out Amazon for Portsmouth Sinfonia...

[Alannah]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=FgKDKyl-EKE

happy memories!

[Alannah]

I think Alexander McCall Smith is part of a similar outfit, Really Terrible Orchestra, or something like that. Members get booted out after a while as they become more familiar and proficient with the repertoire...

[Adam Blake]

Thank you all so much for posting links to so many masterpieces of ineptitude. I had forgotten about the Portsmouth Sinfonia (how could I?) but I'd never heard of that terrible French band, or "The Crusher", or Stardust Cowboy. I'm gonna compile a cd's worth and torture my students with it (actually, I'm hoping to inspire my beginners with how much can be done with how little!)

Garth - your instincts are right. "Surfin' Bird" etc IS ace. It's just that it could be achieved with less than an hour's guitar tuition and a LOT of attitude! A lot of the "Velvet Underground and Nico" album - specifically "Heroin", "Run Run Run" and "European Son" falls in the same category.

[Alannah]

Oh look, they've even covered Pinball Wizard! What a scream!


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_uEghHLkvsg

I've just found Florence Foster Jenkins too!! Ain't YouTube grand??

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qtf2Q4yyuJ0

I can see I'm going to achieve absolutely zero this evening... and Coronation Street's on soon too....

[kas]

I'll join the chorus on Portsmouth Sinfonia. I've got a snippet of their Hallelujah Chorus on an Antilles Records sample, and I have been searching their albums ever since.
Some years ago there was an attempt at reissuing their records, but apparently all sorts of contractual complications got on the way. Here's hoping their immortal music will prevail.

I also knew The Crusher, Surfin' Bird and She Said. I had an LP once called Songs The Cramps Taught Us that featured all of them.

One Legendary Stardust Cowboy song was also on it: I think it was Paralyzed (Charlie, I picked up Who's That on the strength of that spoken bit in the beginning: 'Try to play on the same tempo that I am singing...').

But thanks for those French 'rockeurs'. That was truly horrendous!

[Dominic]

Some clips of songs mentioned earlier:

Lurkers - horrendous, but funny, live version of Shadow:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=vN6zEmPSt-U

Cornershop - Waterlogged from that first EP, featuring Tjinder's brother Avtar on guitar:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hiCAHfdDZh8

Hasil Adkins - She Said (forgive the animation, but it is the origianl 45):
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=HB5j4yxq0K8

[Papa M]

I've just found Florence Foster Jenkins too!!..

I tried to sell my LP of this woman many years ago but it still sits in one of my Sale Boxes from where I regularly torture myself every few years. I just can't resist giving it a spin in order to reassure myself of exavtly how bad she was.